Blueberries
by MadisonMagnetic
Summary: It’s hard to imagine, hard to accept, that she's no longer who she used to be. The strong, powerful woman that once dominated politics is now broken, falling to pieces before her very eyes. Love had destroyed her job, and distance had destroyed her love.


She is awake, staring blankly into the darkness in their room. It is early and Bill's slow, slumbered breath is against her ear. She moves slightly, trying to find a more comfortable position, but it's useless. Waking up at four-o-clock in the morning had become a habit long ago. Beside her, Bill mumbles something in his sleep and slides his fingertips gently across the sheet to find her, to pull her towards him. Karen moves away from these wandering fingertips. She doesn't want to be touched. Ever since they moved to Vermont, she hasn't enjoyed his touch, his lips, his whisper. Something is different, something has changed between them. Quietly, she slides out of the covers and stands up, pressing her bare feet against the cold hardwood floor. It is no use to lie awake in bed, she figures she'll go find something to keep her busy until Bill wakes up.

The hot water is almost burning her skin, but she stands under it, closing her eyes as it pours down onto her face. Tears are swept away instantly and drained. Every muscle in her body aches and she wants to collapse beneath the steam. It's hard to imagine, hard to accept, that she is no longer who she used to be. The strong, powerful woman that once dominated politics is now broken, falling to pieces before her very eyes. Love had destroyed her job, and distance had destroyed her love. What had that left her with? An oversized house in Vermont with her husband that she barely knew anymore.

She runs a hand through her hair, combing out the tangles that had formed that night when she and Bill were rolling around the bed, something that they had done often lately. Sex with him was still as amazing as it ever was. It was afterwards that had changed. Afterwards that they would lay next to each other, panting, wondering what to do next. There was no kissing afterwards. Just silence.

Suddenly, there is a knock on the door and Karen jumps. She knows that it's Bill, but she is surprised that he is up this early. "Come in." She calls. Before she took her job in Washington, he never knocked. He always walked in and teased her through the curtain.

The door opens and Karen sees his shadow through the shower curtain. He pauses, and then walks over to the sink.

"Morning." He says quietly.

"Morning." She replies.

Silence. The water from the sink starts to run. Karen continues to run her fingers through her hair, but the lump in her throat is starting to form again. She bites her lip to choke back the tears, the tears that are burning at her eyes more than the scolding water against her skin. She waits, listening for him to say something. Anything.

Silence.

"I was thinking about making blueberry waffles for breakfast." She calls over the water.

"Okay."

"You're not sick of waffles, are you?"

"Why would I be?"

Karen rests a hand against the knob and turns the shower off. The bathroom becomes instantly quieter, besides the sound of her dripping. "You don't sound too excited." She pulls the curtain back. His eyes meets hers in the mirror and then start to drift down her body.

"Waffles sound fine. But the blueberries…"

"What about them?" She reaches a hand out and he hands her a towel. "You like blueberries."

"In waffles?"

"What's wrong with blueberries in waffles?""I don't know. It just sounds… different."

Karen suddenly feels a surge of aggravation. She wraps the towel around her. "Well, Bill, maybe you could use a little excitement in your life." She murmurs.

"Excitement? Karen, I thought we were retired?"

"Oh, that's right! We're retired, God forbid we put blueberries in our waffles."

Bill frowns at her, reaching out a worried hand. "Are you okay, Karen?"

"Sure, Bill. I'm fine." She pushes past him to walk out the door way, then pauses. "Actually, you know what? No. I'm not fine. I'm bored. But maybe that's just how being retired is supposed to feel?"

"Karen…? What do blueberries have to do with-"

"Forget it, Bill. I wont put blueberries in your damn waffles."

Karen is leaning over the counter, resting on her elbows and licking the left-over batter from the bowl. She normally doesn't lick the batter, normally just drops the bowl on the floor for Bill's stupid mutt, but she, being used to staying busy, can't bare the thought of standing around, waiting for the waffles to finish cooking. She has to stay busy. Even if that means licking the batter from the bowl.

She starts to think of her job, but is once again reminded of the cold reality. She has no job. Not anymore. She sighs, licking her fingers. A new thought drifts into her mind, about what she had told Bill in the bathroom, about her being bored. Is she really bored?, she wonders. She's bored with their new lifestyle, she is was aware of that. But… is she bored of Bill? Bored of their marriage? Maybe not. Maybe there is still hope, she thinks to herself. They just need something, some excitement in their life.

"Listen, Karen…" Bill's voice comes from behind her and she is suddenly aware that he is standing in the kitchen.

"Yes?" She asks quietly, turning slightly red at being caught licking batter. She doesn't turn around from the counter.

"If I did something to upset you… I didn't do it on purpose…"

"Forget it, Bill." She sighs.

"Honey, you have to tell me why you're upset with me, I-"

"It's not you, okay?" Her voice sounds stern, but when she turns to face him, tears are rolling off of her cheeks. "It's not you, Bill. It's just…" Her lips opens slightly, trying to find the right words, but nothing comes out. Frustrated, she buries her face in her hands and sobs. "I don't know!"

Bill's arms are around her before she even realizes it and when she stops crying to take in a shuttering breath, she breaths in the material of his white t-shirt.

"If its about the blueberries," He whispers in her ear. "I think putting them in waffles is a wonderful idea." She knows that he knows that she isn't upset over blueberries. He's trying to cheer her up.

"I need a change, Bill." She whispers softly into his chest.

Bill is quiet for a moment, stroking her hair gently. "What kind of change?" He asks in a cracked voice. "A blueberries-in-waffles-kind-of change?"

She shakes her head.

Bill sighs softly.

"Aren't you bored, Bill?" She asks, lifting her head from his chest to look into his tired, blue eyes. "Aren't you bored with this retirement thing?"

"Do you want me to answer honestly?"

She nods.

"No. I'm not bored of it. I enjoy it." He runs the back of his hand along her cheek to wipe away a tear. "But if you're not happy with it…"

"I'm not ready to settle down, Bill."

Bill bites his lip.

"I want our marriage to work out."

"I do too." He pulls her closer. "But... It's difficult to make a marriage work when two people want two completely different things."

Karen nods. She understands what he is saying. "I don't know want I want, Bill." She says softly, almost silently.

"Okay." Bill kisses her lightly on the forehead and then pulls away. "When you figure it out, I'll be here for you, whatever your decision may be."

"Thank you." She mouths. "I love you, Bill."

"I love you too, Karen." Bill opens his mouth to say something else, but frowns and sniffs the air. "Is something burning?"

"The waffles!" Karen turns around to the waffle machine, now sending off large puffs of black smoke, and opens it. The kitchen air quickly fills with thick, black smoke and Karen hears Bill cough somewhere behind her. She looks down at the shriveled black squares that were once waffles.

"I guess I'll have to make a new batch." She sighs.

"Okay." Bill calls through the smoke. "How about we put blueberries in them this time?"


End file.
